Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll | |
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Title: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland | |
Author: Lewis Carroll | |
Posting Date: June 25, 2008 [EBook #11] | |
Release Date: March, 1994 | |
[Last updated: December 20, 2011] | |
Language: English | |
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND *** | |
ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND | |
Lewis Carroll | |
THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0 | |
CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole | |
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the | |
bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the | |
book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in | |
it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or | |
conversations?' | |
So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the | |
hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure | |
of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and | |
picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran | |
close by her. | |
There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so | |
VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! | |
Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it | |
occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time | |
it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH | |
OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, | |
Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had | |
never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch | |
to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field | |
after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large | |
rabbit-hole under the hedge. | |
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how | |
in the world she was to get out again. | |
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then | |
dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think | |
about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep | |
well. | |
Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had | |
plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was | |
going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what | |
she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she | |
looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with | |
cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures | |
hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as | |
she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great | |
disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear | |
of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as | |
she fell past it. | |
'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall | |
think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at | |
home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top | |
of the house!' (Which was very likely true.) | |
Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how | |
many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting | |
somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four | |
thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several | |
things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this | |
was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there | |
was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) | |
'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude | |
or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or | |
Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.) | |
Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the | |
earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with | |
their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad | |
there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the | |
right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country | |
is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and | |
she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling | |
through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an | |
ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to | |
ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.' | |
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began | |
talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!' | |
(Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at | |
tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no | |
mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very | |
like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice | |
began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy | |
sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do | |
bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, | |
it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing | |
off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with | |
Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: | |
did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon | |
a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. | |
Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment: | |
she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another | |
long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. | |
There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and | |
was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears | |
and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she | |
turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found | |
herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging | |
from the roof. | |
There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when | |
Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every | |
door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to | |
get out again. | |
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid | |
glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's | |
first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; | |
but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, | |
but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second | |
time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and | |
behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the | |
little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted! | |
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not | |
much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage | |
into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of | |
that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and | |
those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the | |
doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it | |
would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could | |
shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.' | |
For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, | |
that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really | |
impossible. | |
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went | |
back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at | |
any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this | |
time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here | |
before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper | |
label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large | |
letters. | |
It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was | |
not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and | |
see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice | |
little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild | |
beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember | |
the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot | |
poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your | |
finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never | |
forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is | |
almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later. | |
However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste | |
it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour | |
of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot | |
buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off. | |
* * * * * * * | |
* * * * * * | |
* * * * * * * | |
'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a | |
telescope.' | |
And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face | |
brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going | |
through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she | |
waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further: | |
she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said | |
Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder | |
what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a | |
candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember | |
ever having seen such a thing. | |
After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going | |
into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the | |
door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she | |
went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach | |
it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her | |
best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; | |
and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing | |
sat down and cried. | |
'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself, | |
rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally | |
gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it), | |
and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into | |
her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having | |
cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, | |
for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. | |
'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people! | |
Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!' | |
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: | |
she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words | |
'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said | |
Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it | |
makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll | |
get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!' | |
She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which | |
way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was | |
growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same | |
size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice | |
had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way | |
things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on | |
in the common way. | |
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake. | |
* * * * * * * | |
* * * * * * | |
* * * * * * * | |
CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears | |
'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that | |
for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm | |
opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!' | |
(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of | |
sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder | |
who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure | |
_I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble | |
myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be | |
kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want | |
to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.' | |
And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must | |
go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending | |
presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look! | |
ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ. | |
HEARTHRUG, | |
NEAR THE FENDER, | |
(WITH ALICE'S LOVE). | |
Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!' | |
Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was | |
now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden | |
key and hurried off to the garden door. | |
Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to | |
look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more | |
hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again. | |
'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like | |
you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this | |
moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of | |
tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches | |
deep and reaching half down the hall. | |
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and | |
she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White | |
Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in | |
one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great | |
hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! | |
Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so | |
desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit | |
came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--' | |
The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, | |
and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go. | |
Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she | |
kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How | |
queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. | |
I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the | |
same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a | |
little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who | |
in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking | |
over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to | |
see if she could have been changed for any of them. | |
'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long | |
ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't | |
be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a | |
very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling | |
it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me | |
see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and | |
four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! | |
However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. | |
London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and | |
Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for | |
Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her | |
hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, | |
but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the | |
same as they used to do:-- | |
'How doth the little crocodile | |
Improve his shining tail, | |
And pour the waters of the Nile | |
On every golden scale! | |
'How cheerfully he seems to grin, | |
How neatly spread his claws, | |
And welcome little fishes in | |
With gently smiling jaws!' | |
'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes | |
filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and | |
I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to | |
no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've | |
made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no | |
use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I | |
shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, | |
if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here | |
till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst | |
of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired | |
of being all alone here!' | |
As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see | |
that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while | |
she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must | |
be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure | |
herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now | |
about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found | |
out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped | |
it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether. | |
'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the | |
sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and | |
now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door: | |
but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was | |
lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,' | |
thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never! | |
And I declare it's too bad, that it is!' | |
As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash! | |
she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she | |
had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by | |
railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in | |
her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go | |
to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the | |
sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row | |
of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon | |
made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she | |
was nine feet high. | |
'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying | |
to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by | |
being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure! | |
However, everything is queer to-day.' | |
Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way | |
off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought | |
it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small | |
she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had | |
slipped in like herself. | |
'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse? | |
Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very | |
likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she | |
began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired | |
of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right | |
way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but | |
she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of | |
a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather | |
inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes, | |
but it said nothing. | |
'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's | |
a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all | |
her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago | |
anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which | |
was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a | |
sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. | |
'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt | |
the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.' | |
'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would | |
YOU like cats if you were me?' | |
'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry | |
about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd | |
take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet | |
thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the | |
pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and | |
washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's | |
such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried | |
Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she | |
felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any | |
more if you'd rather not.' | |
'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his | |
tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED | |
cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!' | |
'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of | |
conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not | |
answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near | |
our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you | |
know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when | |
you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts | |
of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, | |
you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He | |
says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful | |
tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming | |
away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in | |
the pool as it went. | |
So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we | |
won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the | |
Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its | |
face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low | |
trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my | |
history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.' | |
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the | |
birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo, | |
a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the | |
way, and the whole party swam to the shore. | |
CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale | |
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the | |
birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close | |
to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable. | |
The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a | |
consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural | |
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had | |
known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the | |
Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than | |
you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without | |
knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its | |
age, there was no more to be said. | |
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, | |
called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you | |
dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse | |
in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt | |
sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon. | |
'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This | |
is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William | |
the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted | |
to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much | |
accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of | |
Mercia and Northumbria--"' | |
'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver. | |
'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did | |
you speak?' | |
'Not I!' said the Lory hastily. | |
'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar, | |
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand, | |
the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"' | |
'Found WHAT?' said the Duck. | |
'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what | |
"it" means.' | |
'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the | |
Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the | |
archbishop find?' | |
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found | |
it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the | |
crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his | |
Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning | |
to Alice as it spoke. | |
'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to | |
dry me at all.' | |
'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move | |
that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic | |
remedies--' | |
'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half | |
those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And | |
the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds | |
tittered audibly. | |
'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that | |
the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.' | |
'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, | |
but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak, | |
and no one else seemed inclined to say anything. | |
'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as | |
you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell | |
you how the Dodo managed it.) | |
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact | |
shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed | |
along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and | |
away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they | |
liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, | |
when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, | |
the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded | |
round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?' | |
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, | |
and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead | |
(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures | |
of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, | |
'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.' | |
'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked. | |
'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger; | |
and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused | |
way, 'Prizes! Prizes!' | |
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her | |
pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had | |
not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one | |
a-piece all round. | |
'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse. | |
'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in | |
your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice. | |
'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly. | |
'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo. | |
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly | |
presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant | |
thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered. | |
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave | |
that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything | |
to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she | |
could. | |
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and | |
confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste | |
theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back. | |
However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and | |
begged the Mouse to tell them something more. | |
'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why | |
it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it | |
would be offended again. | |
'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and | |
sighing. | |
'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at | |
the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling | |
about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was | |
something like this:-- | |
'Fury said to a | |
mouse, That he | |
met in the | |
house, | |
"Let us | |
both go to | |
law: I will | |
prosecute | |
YOU.--Come, | |
I'll take no | |
denial; We | |
must have a | |
trial: For | |
really this | |
morning I've | |
nothing | |
to do." | |
Said the | |
mouse to the | |
cur, "Such | |
a trial, | |
dear Sir, | |
With | |
no jury | |
or judge, | |
would be | |
wasting | |
our | |
breath." | |
"I'll be | |
judge, I'll | |
be jury," | |
Said | |
cunning | |
old Fury: | |
"I'll | |
try the | |
whole | |
cause, | |
and | |
condemn | |
you | |
to | |
death."' | |
'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you | |
thinking of?' | |
'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth | |
bend, I think?' | |
'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily. | |
'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking | |
anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!' | |
'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking | |
away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!' | |
'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended, | |
you know!' | |
The Mouse only growled in reply. | |
'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the | |
others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook | |
its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker. | |
'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite | |
out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her | |
daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose | |
YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little | |
snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!' | |
'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing | |
nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!' | |
'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the | |
Lory. | |
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet: | |
'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you | |
can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, | |
she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!' | |
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the | |
birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very | |
carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air | |
doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to | |
its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' | |
On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone. | |
'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy | |
tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best | |
cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you | |
any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very | |
lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard | |
a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up | |
eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming | |
back to finish his story. | |
CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill | |
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking | |
anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard | |
it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh | |
my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are | |
ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a | |
moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, | |
and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were | |
nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in | |
the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, | |
had vanished completely. | |
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and | |
called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing | |
out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! | |
Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once | |
in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it | |
had made. | |
'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How | |
surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him | |
his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she | |
came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass | |
plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without | |
knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the | |
real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the | |
fan and gloves. | |
'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for | |
a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she | |
began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come | |
here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, | |
nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't | |
think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it | |
began ordering people about like that!' | |
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table | |
in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs | |
of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, | |
and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little | |
bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time | |
with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it | |
to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said | |
to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what | |
this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really | |
I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!' | |
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had | |
drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling, | |
and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put | |
down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't | |
grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't | |
drunk quite so much!' | |
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing, | |
and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there | |
was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with | |
one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head. | |
Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out | |
of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I | |
can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?' | |
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect, | |
and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there | |
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room | |
again, no wonder she felt unhappy. | |
'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't | |
always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and | |
rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and | |
yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what | |
CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that | |
kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! | |
There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I | |
grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful | |
tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.' | |
'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am | |
now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but | |
then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!' | |
'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn | |
lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all | |
for any lesson-books!' | |
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making | |
quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard | |
a voice outside, and stopped to listen. | |
'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!' | |
Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was | |
the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the | |
house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large | |
as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it. | |
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as | |
the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it, | |
that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll | |
go round and get in at the window.' | |
'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied | |
she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her | |
hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything, | |
but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, | |
from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a | |
cucumber-frame, or something of the sort. | |
Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And | |
then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging | |
for apples, yer honour!' | |
'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and | |
help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.) | |
'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?' | |
'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.') | |
'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole | |
window!' | |
'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.' | |
'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!' | |
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers | |
now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at | |
all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her | |
hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were | |
TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of | |
cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do | |
next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm | |
sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!' | |
She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a | |
rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices | |
all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other | |
ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill! | |
fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em | |
together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll | |
do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this | |
rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming | |
down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I | |
fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I | |
won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to | |
go down the chimney!' | |
'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to | |
herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in | |
Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but | |
I THINK I can kick a little!' | |
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited | |
till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was) | |
scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then, | |
saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to | |
see what would happen next. | |
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!' | |
then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then | |
silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy | |
now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell | |
us all about it!' | |
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought | |
Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm | |
a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me | |
like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!' | |
'So you did, old fellow!' said the others. | |
'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called | |
out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!' | |
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I | |
wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the | |
roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and | |
Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.' | |
'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt, | |
for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the | |
window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,' | |
she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!' | |
which produced another dead silence. | |
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into | |
little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her | |
head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make | |
SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must | |
make me smaller, I suppose.' | |
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she | |
began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through | |
the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little | |
animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was | |
in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it | |
something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she | |
appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself | |
safe in a thick wood. | |
'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered | |
about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second | |
thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be | |
the best plan.' | |
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply | |
arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea | |
how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among | |
the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a | |
great hurry. | |
An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and | |
feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!' | |
said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but | |
she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be | |
hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of | |
all her coaxing. | |
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and | |
held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off | |
all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, | |
and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle, | |
to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the | |
other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head | |
over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was | |
very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every | |
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then | |
the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very | |
little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely | |
all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with | |
its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut. | |
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she | |
set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and | |
till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance. | |
'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant | |
against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the | |
leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd | |
only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that | |
I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I | |
suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great | |
question is, what?' | |
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at | |
the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that | |
looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances. | |
There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as | |
herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and | |
behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what | |
was on the top of it. | |
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the | |
mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar, | |
that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long | |
hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else. | |
CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar | |
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: | |
at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed | |
her in a languid, sleepy voice. | |
'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar. | |
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, | |
rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know | |
who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been | |
changed several times since then.' | |
'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain | |
yourself!' | |
'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not | |
myself, you see.' | |
'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar. | |
'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely, | |
'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many | |
different sizes in a day is very confusing.' | |
'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar. | |
'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you | |
have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then | |
after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little | |
queer, won't you?' | |
'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar. | |
'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know | |
is, it would feel very queer to ME.' | |
'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?' | |
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation. | |
Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY | |
short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think, | |
you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.' | |
'Why?' said the Caterpillar. | |
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any | |
good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant | |
state of mind, she turned away. | |
'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important | |
to say!' | |
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again. | |
'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar. | |
'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she | |
could. | |
'No,' said the Caterpillar. | |
Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and | |
perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some | |
minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its | |
arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, 'So you think | |
you're changed, do you?' | |
'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things as I | |
used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!' | |
'Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar. | |
'Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it all came | |
different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice. | |
'Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar. | |
Alice folded her hands, and began:-- | |
'You are old, Father William,' the young man said, | |
'And your hair has become very white; | |
And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- | |
Do you think, at your age, it is right?' | |
'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, | |
'I feared it might injure the brain; | |
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, | |
Why, I do it again and again.' | |
'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before, | |
And have grown most uncommonly fat; | |
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- | |
Pray, what is the reason of that?' | |
'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, | |
'I kept all my limbs very supple | |
By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- | |
Allow me to sell you a couple?' | |
'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak | |
For anything tougher than suet; | |
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- | |
Pray how did you manage to do it?' | |
'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law, | |
And argued each case with my wife; | |
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, | |
Has lasted the rest of my life.' | |
'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose | |
That your eye was as steady as ever; | |
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- | |
What made you so awfully clever?' | |
'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' | |
Said his father; 'don't give yourself airs! | |
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? | |
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!' | |
'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar. | |
'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words | |
have got altered.' | |
'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and | |
there was silence for some minutes. | |
The Caterpillar was the first to speak. | |
'What size do you want to be?' it asked. | |
'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 'only one | |
doesn't like changing so often, you know.' | |
'I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar. | |
Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life | |
before, and she felt that she was losing her temper. | |
'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar. | |
'Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,' | |
said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched height to be.' | |
'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing | |
itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high). | |
'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And | |
she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily | |
offended!' | |
'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the | |
hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. | |
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In | |
a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth | |
and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the | |
mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went, | |
'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you | |
grow shorter.' | |
'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself. | |
'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it | |
aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight. | |
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying | |
to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly | |
round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she | |
stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit | |
of the edge with each hand. | |
'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of | |
the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent | |
blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot! | |
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt | |
that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she | |
set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed | |
so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her | |
mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the | |
lefthand bit. | |
* * * * * * * | |
* * * * * * | |
* * * * * * * | |
'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which | |
changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders | |
were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was | |
an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a | |
sea of green leaves that lay far below her. | |
'What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And where HAVE my | |
shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?' | |
She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, | |
except a little shaking among the distant green leaves. | |
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she | |
tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her | |
neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had | |
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going | |
to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops | |
of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made | |
her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and | |
was beating her violently with its wings. | |
'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon. | |
'I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me alone!' | |
'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone, | |
and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems | |
to suit them!' | |
'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice. | |
'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried | |
hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but those | |
serpents! There's no pleasing them!' | |
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in | |
saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished. | |
'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon; | |
'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I | |
haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!' | |
'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to | |
see its meaning. | |
'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the | |
Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I | |
should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from | |
the sky! Ugh, Serpent!' | |
'But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm a--I'm a--' | |
'Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see you're trying to | |
invent something!' | |
'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered | |
the number of changes she had gone through that day. | |
'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest | |
contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE | |
with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use | |
denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an | |
egg!' | |
'I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful | |
child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you | |
know.' | |
'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why then they're | |
a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.' | |
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a | |
minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're | |
looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me | |
whether you're a little girl or a serpent?' | |
'It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; 'but I'm not looking | |
for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't | |
like them raw.' | |
'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled | |
down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as | |
she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and | |
every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she | |
remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and | |
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the | |
other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had | |
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. | |
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it | |
felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, | |
and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, there's half my plan done | |
now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going | |
to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right | |
size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that | |
to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open | |
place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives | |
there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why, | |
I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the | |
righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she | |
had brought herself down to nine inches high. | |
CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper | |
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what | |
to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the | |
wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery: | |
otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a | |
fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened | |
by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a | |
frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all | |
over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, | |
and crept a little way out of the wood to listen. | |
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter, | |
nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other, | |
saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen | |
to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, | |
only changing the order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An | |
invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.' | |
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together. | |
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the | |
wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the | |
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the | |
door, staring stupidly up into the sky. | |
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. | |
'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for | |
two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you | |
are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could | |
possibly hear you.' And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise | |
going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then | |
a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces. | |
'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?' | |
'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on | |
without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance, | |
if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.' | |
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this | |
Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But perhaps he can't help it,' she | |
said to herself; 'his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head. | |
But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she | |
repeated, aloud. | |
'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow--' | |
At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came | |
skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose, | |
and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him. | |
'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly | |
as if nothing had happened. | |
'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone. | |
'ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's the first | |
question, you know.' | |
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really | |
dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue. | |
It's enough to drive one crazy!' | |
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his | |
remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for | |
days and days.' | |
'But what am I to do?' said Alice. | |
'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling. | |
'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 'he's | |
perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in. | |
The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from | |
one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in | |
the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring | |
a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup. | |
'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself, | |
as well as she could for sneezing. | |
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess | |
sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling | |
alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen | |
that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on | |
the hearth and grinning from ear to ear. | |
'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was | |
not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why | |
your cat grins like that?' | |
'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!' | |
She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite | |
jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, | |
and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:-- | |
'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know | |
that cats COULD grin.' | |
'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.' | |
'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite | |
pleased to have got into a conversation. | |
'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.' | |
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would | |
be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she | |
was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the | |
fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at | |
the Duchess and the baby--the fire-irons came first; then followed a | |
shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of | |
them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, | |
that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not. | |
'Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in | |
an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose'; as an unusually | |
large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off. | |
'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse | |
growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.' | |
'Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get | |
an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 'Just think of | |
what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes | |
twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--' | |
'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!' | |
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take | |
the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to | |
be listening, so she went on again: 'Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is | |
it twelve? I--' | |
'Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide figures!' | |
And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of | |
lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of | |
every line: | |
'Speak roughly to your little boy, | |
And beat him when he sneezes: | |
He only does it to annoy, | |
Because he knows it teases.' | |
CHORUS. | |
(In which the cook and the baby joined):-- | |
'Wow! wow! wow!' | |
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing | |
the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, | |
that Alice could hardly hear the words:-- | |
'I speak severely to my boy, | |
I beat him when he sneezes; | |
For he can thoroughly enjoy | |
The pepper when he pleases!' | |
CHORUS. | |
'Wow! wow! wow!' | |
'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice, | |
flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and get ready to play | |
croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw | |
a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her. | |
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped | |
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just | |
like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting | |
like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and | |
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute | |
or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it. | |
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to | |
twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right | |
ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried | |
it out into the open air. 'IF I don't take this child away with me,' | |
thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be | |
murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the | |
little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). | |
'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing | |
yourself.' | |
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to | |
see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had | |
a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its | |
eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not | |
like the look of the thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,' | |
she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any | |
tears. | |
No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,' | |
said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind | |
now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible | |
to say which), and they went on for some while in silence. | |
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with | |
this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently, | |
that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could | |
be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she | |
felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further. | |
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see | |
it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' she said | |
to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes | |
rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began thinking over other | |
children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying | |
to herself, 'if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she | |
was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a | |
tree a few yards off. | |
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she | |
thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she | |
felt that it ought to be treated with respect. | |
'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know | |
whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. | |
'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you | |
tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' | |
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. | |
'I don't much care where--' said Alice. | |
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. | |
'--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation. | |
'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long | |
enough.' | |
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. | |
'What sort of people live about here?' | |
'In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives | |
a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a March | |
Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.' | |
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. | |
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. | |
You're mad.' | |
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. | |
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.' | |
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 'And how | |
do you know that you're mad?' | |
'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant that?' | |
'I suppose so,' said Alice. | |
'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry, | |
and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and | |
wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.' | |
'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice. | |
'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the | |
Queen to-day?' | |
'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited | |
yet.' | |
'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished. | |
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer | |
things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been, | |
it suddenly appeared again. | |
'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd nearly | |
forgotten to ask.' | |
'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back | |
in a natural way. | |
'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again. | |
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not | |
appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in | |
which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she | |
said to herself; 'the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and | |
perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as | |
it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat | |
again, sitting on a branch of a tree. | |
'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat. | |
'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and | |
vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.' | |
'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, | |
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which | |
remained some time after the rest of it had gone. | |
'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 'but a grin | |
without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!' | |
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house | |
of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the | |
chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It | |
was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had | |
nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to | |
about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, | |
saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost | |
wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!' | |
CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party | |
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the | |
March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting | |
between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a | |
cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very | |
uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I | |
suppose it doesn't mind.' | |
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at | |
one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice | |
coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat | |
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table. | |
'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. | |
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. | |
'I don't see any wine,' she remarked. | |
'There isn't any,' said the March Hare. | |
'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily. | |
'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said | |
the March Hare. | |
'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great | |
many more than three.' | |
'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice | |
for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech. | |
'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some | |
severity; 'it's very rude.' | |
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID | |
was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?' | |
'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've | |
begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud. | |
'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the | |
March Hare. | |
'Exactly so,' said Alice. | |
'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on. | |
'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I | |
say--that's the same thing, you know.' | |
'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say | |
that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!' | |
'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I | |
get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!' | |
'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be | |
talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing | |
as "I sleep when I breathe"!' | |
'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the | |
conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice | |
thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, | |
which wasn't much. | |
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month | |
is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his | |
pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, | |
and holding it to his ear. | |
Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.' | |
'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter wouldn't suit | |
the works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare. | |
'It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied. | |
'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled: | |
'you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.' | |
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped | |
it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of | |
nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It was the BEST butter, | |
you know.' | |
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a | |
funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't | |
tell what o'clock it is!' | |
'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what | |
year it is?' | |
'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it | |
stays the same year for such a long time together.' | |
'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter. | |
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no | |
sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 'I don't quite | |
understand you,' she said, as politely as she could. | |
'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little | |
hot tea upon its nose. | |
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its | |
eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.' | |
'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice | |
again. | |
'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?' | |
'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter. | |
'Nor I,' said the March Hare. | |
Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the | |
time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.' | |
'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk | |
about wasting IT. It's HIM.' | |
'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice. | |
'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. | |
'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!' | |
'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat time | |
when I learn music.' | |
'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating. | |
Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything | |
you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in | |
the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a | |
hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, | |
time for dinner!' | |
('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.) | |
'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 'but then--I | |
shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.' | |
'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep it to | |
half-past one as long as you liked.' | |
'Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked. | |
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We | |
quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing | |
with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it was at the great concert | |
given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing | |
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! | |
How I wonder what you're at!" | |
You know the song, perhaps?' | |
'I've heard something like it,' said Alice. | |
'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:-- | |
"Up above the world you fly, | |
Like a tea-tray in the sky. | |
Twinkle, twinkle--"' | |
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle, | |
twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch | |
it to make it stop. | |
'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the | |
Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his | |
head!"' | |
'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice. | |
'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't | |
do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.' | |
A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so many | |
tea-things are put out here?' she asked. | |
'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time, | |
and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.' | |
'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice. | |
'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used up.' | |
'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured | |
to ask. | |
'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning. | |
'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.' | |
'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the | |
proposal. | |
'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And | |
they pinched it on both sides at once. | |
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a | |
hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.' | |
'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare. | |
'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice. | |
'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again | |
before it's done.' | |
'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began | |
in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and | |
they lived at the bottom of a well--' | |
'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in | |
questions of eating and drinking. | |
'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or | |
two. | |
'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; 'they'd | |
have been ill.' | |
'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.' | |
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of | |
living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But | |
why did they live at the bottom of a well?' | |
'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. | |
'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't | |
take more.' | |
'You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take | |
MORE than nothing.' | |
'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice. | |
'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly. | |
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself | |
to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and | |
repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?' | |
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then | |
said, 'It was a treacle-well.' | |
'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the | |
Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily | |
remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for | |
yourself.' | |
'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt again. I | |
dare say there may be ONE.' | |
'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to | |
go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw, | |
you know--' | |
'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise. | |
'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time. | |
'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move one place | |
on.' | |
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare | |
moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took | |
the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any | |
advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than | |
before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate. | |
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very | |
cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle | |
from?' | |
'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so I should | |
think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?' | |
'But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to | |
notice this last remark. | |
'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.' | |
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for | |
some time without interrupting it. | |
'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing | |
its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they drew all manner of | |
things--everything that begins with an M--' | |
'Why with an M?' said Alice. | |
'Why not?' said the March Hare. | |
Alice was silent. | |
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into | |
a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with | |
a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an M, such as | |
mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--you know you say | |
things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a | |
drawing of a muchness?' | |
'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't | |
think--' | |
'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter. | |
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in | |
great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and | |
neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she | |
looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: | |
the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into | |
the teapot. | |
'At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her | |
way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all | |
my life!' | |
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door | |
leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. 'But | |
everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' And in | |
she went. | |
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little | |
glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself, | |
and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that | |
led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she | |
had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: | |
then she walked down the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at | |
last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool | |
fountains. | |
CHAPTER VIII. The Queen's Croquet-Ground | |
A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses | |
growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily | |
painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went | |
nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of | |
them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like | |
that!' | |
'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my | |
elbow.' | |
On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the | |
blame on others!' | |
'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only | |
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!' | |
'What for?' said the one who had spoken first. | |
'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven. | |
'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him--it was for | |
bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.' | |
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust | |
things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching | |
them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and | |
all of them bowed low. | |
'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting | |
those roses?' | |
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low | |
voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a | |
RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen | |
was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. | |
So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' At this | |
moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called | |
out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw | |
themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, | |
and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen. | |
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like | |
the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the | |
corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with | |
diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came | |
the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came | |
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented | |
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among | |
them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried | |
nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without | |
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's | |
crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand | |
procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. | |
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face | |
like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard | |
of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of | |
a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down upon their | |
faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was, | |
and waited. | |
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked | |
at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the | |
Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. | |
'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to | |
Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?' | |
'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely; | |
but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after | |
all. I needn't be afraid of them!' | |
'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who | |
were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their | |
faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the | |
pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or | |
courtiers, or three of her own children. | |
'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no | |
business of MINE.' | |
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a | |
moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off--' | |
'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was | |
silent. | |
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my | |
dear: she is only a child!' | |
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them | |
over!' | |
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. | |
'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three | |
gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, | |
the royal children, and everybody else. | |
'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then, | |
turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?' | |
'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going | |
down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--' | |
'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. | |
'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the | |
soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran | |
to Alice for protection. | |
'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large | |
flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a | |
minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the | |
others. | |
'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen. | |
'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted | |
in reply. | |
'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?' | |
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was | |
evidently meant for her. | |
'Yes!' shouted Alice. | |
'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, | |
wondering very much what would happen next. | |
'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was | |
walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face. | |
'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?' | |
'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked | |
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon | |
tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered 'She's under | |
sentence of execution.' | |
'What for?' said Alice. | |
'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked. | |
'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said | |
"What for?"' | |
'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little | |
scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened | |
tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the | |
Queen said--' | |
'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and | |
people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each | |
other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game | |
began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in | |
her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, | |
the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves | |
up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches. | |
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: | |
she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under | |
her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got | |
its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a | |
blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, | |
with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out | |
laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin | |
again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled | |
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was | |
generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the | |
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up | |
and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the | |
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed. | |
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling | |
all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short | |
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and | |
shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about once in a | |
minute. | |
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any | |
dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, | |
'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully | |
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one | |
left alive!' | |
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she | |
could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance | |
in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it | |
a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself | |
'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.' | |
'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth | |
enough for it to speak with. | |
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use | |
speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one | |
of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put | |
down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad | |
she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was | |
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared. | |
'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a | |
complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear | |
oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; | |
at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how | |
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the | |
arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the | |
ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only | |
it ran away when it saw mine coming!' | |
'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice. | |
'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed | |
that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, | |
'--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.' | |
The Queen smiled and passed on. | |
'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking | |
at the Cat's head with great curiosity. | |
'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to | |
introduce it.' | |
'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may | |
kiss my hand if it likes.' | |
'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked. | |
'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!' | |
He got behind Alice as he spoke. | |
'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book, | |
but I don't remember where.' | |
'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called | |
the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would | |
have this cat removed!' | |
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. | |
'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking round. | |
'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he | |
hurried off. | |
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going | |
on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with | |
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be | |
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look | |
of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew | |
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog. | |
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed | |
to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the | |
other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the | |
other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless | |
sort of way to fly up into a tree. | |
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight | |
was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't | |
matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side | |
of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not | |
escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her | |
friend. | |
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a | |
large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between | |
the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, | |
while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable. | |
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle | |
the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they | |
all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly | |
what they said. | |
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless | |
there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a | |
thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life. | |
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be | |
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. | |
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less | |
than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last | |
remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.) | |
Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess: | |
you'd better ask HER about it.' | |
'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.' | |
And the executioner went off like an arrow. | |
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, | |
by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely | |
disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down | |
looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game. | |
CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle's Story | |
'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!' | |
said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and | |
they walked off together. | |
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought | |
to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so | |
savage when they met in the kitchen. | |
'When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone | |
though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very | |
well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,' | |
she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of | |
rule, 'and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes | |
them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children | |
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so | |
stingy about it, you know--' | |
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little | |
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking | |
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't | |
tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in | |
a bit.' | |
'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark. | |
'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a moral, if only | |
you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as | |
she spoke. | |
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the | |
Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the | |
right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an | |
uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she | |
bore it as well as she could. | |
'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up | |
the conversation a little. | |
''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love, | |
'tis love, that makes the world go round!"' | |
'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding | |
their own business!' | |
'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her | |
sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral | |
of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of | |
themselves."' | |
'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself. | |
'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,' | |
the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about | |
the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?' | |
'HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to | |
have the experiment tried. | |
'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And | |
the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."' | |
'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked. | |
'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you have of | |
putting things!' | |
'It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice. | |
'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to | |
everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And | |
the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of | |
yours."' | |
'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark, | |
'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.' | |
'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that | |
is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more | |
simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might | |
appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise | |
than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."' | |
'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if | |
I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.' | |
'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in | |
a pleased tone. | |
'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said | |
Alice. | |
'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you a present | |
of everything I've said as yet.' | |
'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't give | |
birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out | |
loud. | |
'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp | |
little chin. | |
'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to | |
feel a little worried. | |
'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and | |
the m--' | |
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even | |
in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked | |
into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen | |
in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm. | |
'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice. | |
'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the | |
ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, and that in | |
about half no time! Take your choice!' | |
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. | |
'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was | |
too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the | |
croquet-ground. | |
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were | |
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried | |
back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would | |
cost them their lives. | |
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with | |
the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her | |
head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, | |
who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by | |
the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the | |
players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and | |
under sentence of execution. | |
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have | |
you seen the Mock Turtle yet?' | |
'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.' | |
'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen. | |
'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice. | |
'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,' | |
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice, | |
to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, THAT'S a good | |
thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the | |
number of executions the Queen had ordered. | |
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. | |
(IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy | |
thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to see the Mock | |
Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some | |
executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with | |
the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on | |
the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go | |
after that savage Queen: so she waited. | |
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till | |
she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon, | |
half to itself, half to Alice. | |
'What IS the fun?' said Alice. | |
'Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, that: they never | |
executes nobody, you know. Come on!' | |
'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly | |
after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!' | |
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, | |
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came | |
nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She | |
pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the | |
Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, 'It's all his | |
fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!' | |
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes | |
full of tears, but said nothing. | |
'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your | |
history, she do.' | |
'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit | |
down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.' | |
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to | |
herself, 'I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But | |
she waited patiently. | |
'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real | |
Turtle.' | |
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an | |
occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant | |
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and | |
saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could | |
not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said | |
nothing. | |
'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, | |
though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the | |
sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--' | |
'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked. | |
'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle | |
angrily: 'really you are very dull!' | |
'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,' | |
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor | |
Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said | |
to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!' | |
and he went on in these words: | |
'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--' | |
'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice. | |
'You did,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again. | |
The Mock Turtle went on. | |
'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--' | |
'I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you needn't be so proud | |
as all that.' | |
'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously. | |
'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.' | |
'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle. | |
'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly. | |
'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in | |
a tone of great relief. 'Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill, | |
"French, music, AND WASHING--extra."' | |
'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the bottom of | |
the sea.' | |
'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I | |
only took the regular course.' | |
'What was that?' inquired Alice. | |
'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle | |
replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition, | |
Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.' | |
'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. 'What is it?' | |
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of | |
uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?' | |
'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means--to--make--anything--prettier.' | |
'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is, | |
you ARE a simpleton.' | |
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she | |
turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you to learn?' | |
'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off | |
the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, with | |
Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, | |
that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and | |
Fainting in Coils.' | |
'What was THAT like?' said Alice. | |
'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too | |
stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.' | |
'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though. | |
He was an old crab, HE was.' | |
'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he taught | |
Laughing and Grief, they used to say.' | |
'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both | |
creatures hid their faces in their paws. | |
'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to | |
change the subject. | |
'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so | |
on.' | |
'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice. | |
'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked: | |
'because they lessen from day to day.' | |
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little | |
before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day must have been a | |
holiday?' | |
'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly. | |
'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided | |
tone: 'tell her something about the games now.' | |
CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille | |
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across | |
his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or | |
two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,' | |
said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in | |
the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears | |
running down his cheeks, he went on again:-- | |
'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' said | |
Alice)--'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--' | |
(Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, and | |
said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a | |
Lobster Quadrille is!' | |
'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?' | |
'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the | |
sea-shore--' | |
'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; | |
then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--' | |
'THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon. | |
'--you advance twice--' | |
'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon. | |
'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners--' | |
'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon. | |
'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the--' | |
'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air. | |
'--as far out to sea as you can--' | |
'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon. | |
'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly | |
about. | |
'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice. | |
'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock | |
Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been | |
jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly | |
and quietly, and looked at Alice. | |
'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly. | |
'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle. | |
'Very much indeed,' said Alice. | |
'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. | |
'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?' | |
'Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the words.' | |
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and | |
then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their | |
forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly | |
and sadly:-- | |
'"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail. | |
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. | |
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! | |
They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance? | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? | |
"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be | |
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!" | |
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance-- | |
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. | |
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. | |
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. | |
'"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. | |
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. | |
The further off from England the nearer is to France-- | |
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"' | |
'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling | |
very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so like that curious song | |
about the whiting!' | |
'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've seen them, | |
of course?' | |
'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself | |
hastily. | |
'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've | |
seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.' | |
'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their tails in | |
their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.' | |
'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs would all | |
wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the | |
reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--'Tell her | |
about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon. | |
'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they WOULD go with the lobsters | |
to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long | |
way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get | |
them out again. That's all.' | |
'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much | |
about a whiting before.' | |
'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you | |
know why it's called a whiting?' | |
'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?' | |
'IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very solemnly. | |
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated | |
in a wondering tone. | |
'Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. 'I mean, what | |
makes them so shiny?' | |
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her | |
answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.' | |
'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, | |
'are done with a whiting. Now you know.' | |
'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity. | |
'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently: | |
'any shrimp could have told you that.' | |
'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running | |
on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we | |
don't want YOU with us!"' | |
'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: 'no | |
wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.' | |
'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise. | |
'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to ME, and | |
told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"' | |
'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice. | |
'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And | |
the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.' | |
'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said | |
Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday, | |
because I was a different person then.' | |
'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone: | |
'explanations take such a dreadful time.' | |
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first | |
saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first, | |
the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened | |
their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went | |
on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about | |
her repeating 'YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the | |
words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, | |
and said 'That's very curious.' | |
'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon. | |
'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. 'I | |
should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to | |
begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of | |
authority over Alice. | |
'Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said the | |
Gryphon. | |
'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!' | |
thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she | |
got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster | |
Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came | |
very queer indeed:-- | |
''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, | |
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." | |
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose | |
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.' | |
[later editions continued as follows | |
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, | |
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark, | |
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, | |
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.] | |
'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the | |
Gryphon. | |
'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it sounds | |
uncommon nonsense.' | |
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, | |
wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again. | |
'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with the next | |
verse.' | |
'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How COULD he turn them | |
out with his nose, you know?' | |
'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully | |
puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject. | |
'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 'it | |
begins "I passed by his garden."' | |
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come | |
wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:-- | |
'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, | |
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--' | |
[later editions continued as follows | |
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, | |
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. | |
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon, | |
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: | |
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, | |
And concluded the banquet--] | |
'What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle | |
interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most | |
confusing thing I ever heard!' | |
'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was | |
only too glad to do so. | |
'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went | |
on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?' | |
'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice | |
replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, | |
'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old | |
fellow?' | |
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked | |
with sobs, to sing this:-- | |
'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, | |
Waiting in a hot tureen! | |
Who for such dainties would not stoop? | |
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! | |
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! | |
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! | |
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! | |
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, | |
Beautiful, beautiful Soup! | |
'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, | |
Game, or any other dish? | |
Who would not give all else for two | |
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? | |
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? | |
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! | |
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! | |
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, | |
Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!' | |
'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun | |
to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the | |
distance. | |
'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried | |
off, without waiting for the end of the song. | |
'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only | |
answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly | |
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:-- | |
'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, | |
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!' | |
CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts? | |
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they | |
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little | |
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was | |
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard | |
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, | |
and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court | |
was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, | |
that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the | |
trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there | |
seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about | |
her, to pass away the time. | |
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read | |
about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew | |
the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to | |
herself, 'because of his great wig.' | |
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the | |
wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did | |
not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. | |
'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,' | |
(she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were | |
animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said | |
this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of | |
it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her | |
age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done | |
just as well. | |
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they | |
doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put | |
down yet, before the trial's begun.' | |
'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for | |
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.' | |
'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped | |
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the | |
King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who | |
was talking. | |
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, | |
that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates, | |
and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell | |
'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. 'A nice | |
muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice. | |
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice | |
could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and | |
very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly | |
that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out | |
at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was | |
obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was | |
of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate. | |
'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King. | |
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then | |
unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:-- | |
'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, | |
All on a summer day: | |
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, | |
And took them quite away!' | |
'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury. | |
'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a great | |
deal to come before that!' | |
'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three | |
blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!' | |
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one | |
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg pardon, your | |
Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished | |
my tea when I was sent for.' | |
'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you begin?' | |
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the | |
court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it | |
was,' he said. | |
'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare. | |
'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse. | |
'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly | |
wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and | |
reduced the answer to shillings and pence. | |
'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter. | |
'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter. | |
'Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a | |
memorandum of the fact. | |
'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I've none of | |
my own. I'm a hatter.' | |
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, | |
who turned pale and fidgeted. | |
'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or I'll have | |
you executed on the spot.' | |
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting | |
from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in | |
his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the | |
bread-and-butter. | |
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled | |
her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to | |
grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave | |
the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as | |
long as there was room for her. | |
'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting | |
next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.' | |
'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.' | |
'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse. | |
'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing | |
too.' | |
'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 'not in that | |
ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the | |
other side of the court. | |
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, | |
just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers | |
of the court, 'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on | |
which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off. | |
'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you | |
executed, whether you're nervous or not.' | |
'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, | |
'--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the | |
bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--' | |
'The twinkling of the what?' said the King. | |
'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied. | |
'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you | |
take me for a dunce? Go on!' | |
'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after | |
that--only the March Hare said--' | |
'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. | |
'You did!' said the Hatter. | |
'I deny it!' said the March Hare. | |
'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.' | |
'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking | |
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied | |
nothing, being fast asleep. | |
'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter--' | |
'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked. | |
'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter. | |
'You MUST remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.' | |
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went | |
down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began. | |
'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King. | |
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by | |
the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just | |
explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied | |
up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, | |
head first, and then sat upon it.) | |
'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often read | |
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts | |
at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the | |
court," and I never understood what it meant till now.' | |
'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the | |
King. | |
'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as it is.' | |
'Then you may SIT down,' the King replied. | |
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. | |
'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we shall get | |
on better.' | |
'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the | |
Queen, who was reading the list of singers. | |
'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, | |
without even waiting to put his shoes on. | |
'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the | |
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get | |
to the door. | |
'Call the next witness!' said the King. | |
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in | |
her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the | |
court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once. | |
'Give your evidence,' said the King. | |
'Shan't,' said the cook. | |
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, | |
'Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.' | |
'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and, | |
after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were | |
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?' | |
'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook. | |
'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her. | |
'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that Dormouse! | |
Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his | |
whiskers!' | |
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse | |
turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had | |
disappeared. | |
'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next | |
witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear, | |
YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead | |
ache!' | |
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very | |
curious to see what the next witness would be like, '--for they haven't | |
got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when | |
the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the | |
name 'Alice!' | |
CHAPTER XII. Alice's Evidence | |
'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how | |
large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such | |
a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, | |
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there | |
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish | |
she had accidentally upset the week before. | |
'Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and | |
began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of | |
the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea | |
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or | |
they would die. | |
'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until | |
all the jurymen are back in their proper places--ALL,' he repeated with | |
great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do. | |
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put | |
the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its | |
tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got | |
it out again, and put it right; 'not that it signifies much,' she said | |
to herself; 'I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial | |
one way up as the other.' | |
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being | |
upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to | |
them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the | |
accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do | |
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the | |
court. | |
'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice. | |
'Nothing,' said Alice. | |
'Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King. | |
'Nothing whatever,' said Alice. | |
'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were | |
just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit | |
interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a | |
very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke. | |
'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on | |
to himself in an undertone, | |
'important--unimportant--unimportant--important--' as if he were trying | |
which word sounded best. | |
Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.' | |
Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; | |
'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself. | |
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in | |
his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule | |
Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.' | |
Everybody looked at Alice. | |
'I'M not a mile high,' said Alice. | |
'You are,' said the King. | |
'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen. | |
'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a | |
regular rule: you invented it just now.' | |
'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King. | |
'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice. | |
The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your | |
verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice. | |
'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White | |
Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has just been picked | |
up.' | |
'What's in it?' said the Queen. | |
'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a | |
letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.' | |
'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to | |
nobody, which isn't usual, you know.' | |
'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen. | |
'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, there's | |
nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and | |
added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.' | |
'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen. | |
'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing | |
about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.) | |
'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury | |
all brightened up again.) | |
'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they | |
can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.' | |
'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter | |
worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your | |
name like an honest man.' | |
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really | |
clever thing the King had said that day. | |
'That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen. | |
'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know | |
what they're about!' | |
'Read them,' said the King. | |
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please | |
your Majesty?' he asked. | |
'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you | |
come to the end: then stop.' | |
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:-- | |
'They told me you had been to her, | |
And mentioned me to him: | |
She gave me a good character, | |
But said I could not swim. | |
He sent them word I had not gone | |
(We know it to be true): | |
If she should push the matter on, | |
What would become of you? | |
I gave her one, they gave him two, | |
You gave us three or more; | |
They all returned from him to you, | |
Though they were mine before. | |
If I or she should chance to be | |
Involved in this affair, | |
He trusts to you to set them free, | |
Exactly as we were. | |
My notion was that you had been | |
(Before she had this fit) | |
An obstacle that came between | |
Him, and ourselves, and it. | |
Don't let him know she liked them best, | |
For this must ever be | |
A secret, kept from all the rest, | |
Between yourself and me.' | |
'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the | |
King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--' | |
'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large | |
in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting | |
him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of | |
meaning in it.' | |
The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'SHE doesn't believe there's an | |
atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper. | |
'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of | |
trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,' | |
he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them | |
with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--SAID | |
I COULD NOT SWIM--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the | |
Knave. | |
The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he | |
certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.) | |
'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over | |
the verses to himself: '"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's the jury, of | |
course--"I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, that must be what he | |
did with the tarts, you know--' | |
'But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said Alice. | |
'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts | |
on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than THAT. Then again--"BEFORE SHE | |
HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the | |
Queen. | |
'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard | |
as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his | |
slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily | |
began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as | |
it lasted.) | |
'Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round the court | |
with a smile. There was a dead silence. | |
'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed, | |
'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the | |
twentieth time that day. | |
'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict afterwards.' | |
'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the | |
sentence first!' | |
'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple. | |
'I won't!' said Alice. | |
'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody | |
moved. | |
'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this | |
time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!' | |
At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon | |
her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and | |
tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her | |
head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead | |
leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face. | |
'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long sleep you've | |
had!' | |
'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her | |
sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures | |
of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had | |
finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream, | |
dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So | |
Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might, | |
what a wonderful dream it had been. | |
But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her | |
hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her | |
wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and | |
this was her dream:-- | |
First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny | |
hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking | |
up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that | |
queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that | |
WOULD always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to | |
listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures | |
of her little sister's dream. | |
The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by--the | |
frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool--she | |
could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends | |
shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen | |
ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution--once more the pig-baby | |
was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed | |
around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the | |
Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, | |
filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock | |
Turtle. | |
So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in | |
Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all | |
would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the | |
wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling | |
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill | |
cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the | |
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she | |
knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing | |
of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's | |
heavy sobs. | |
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers | |
would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would | |
keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her | |
childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and | |
make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even | |
with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with | |
all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, | |
remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days. | |
THE END | |
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